Both foster and adoption agencies strive to give a child a loving, permanent home. Typically that used to mean finding a young, married couple that had the same skin color as the child. People who are single, over 40, or gay still often face obstacles and delays in adopting a child. Even young, white couples wanting to adopt a child of a different race can face hassles.

It's not that people who don't fit the "traditional" parent profile can't legally adopt, it's just that it requires more patience. After all, hundreds of thousands of children are eagerly waiting to find parents. More than approximately 514,000 children were in foster care at the end of 2005 and about 115,000 of them were eligible to be adopted, according to reports by the U.S. Department of Health and Human Services.

Gay and Lesbian Parents

Today same-sex couples are becoming new parents in record numbers. Some even call it the lesbian and gay baby boom. The American Bar Association says there are already about 6 million to 10 million homosexual parents in the United States.

Not that many years ago, it was nearly impossible for gay and lesbian couples to adopt. In some states, it's getting easier. New York passed a law that guarantees gays and lesbians the same rights to adopt as heterosexuals. In other states, it's getting tougher. As of September 2007, Nebraska, Florida, Mississippi, and Utah either had laws or policies prohibiting same-sex couples from adopting.

Besides being a civil rights issue, laws that prohibit gays and lesbians from adopting undermine the whole premise of adoption as a case-by-case basis, says Kate Kendell, executive director of the National Organization for Lesbian Rights.

"Social workers should look at the individual family and what's best for the child," she says.

Geography seems be key in many cases. The South tends to be the most hostile towards gay and lesbian parents, while cities such as Los Angeles, San Francisco and New York actively seek gay and lesbian foster parents for gay and lesbian teenagers.

In the mid-1980s, the National Organization for Lesbian Rights spearheaded the fight for second-parent adoptions, which allows one gay parent to adopt or have a kid and then gives his or her partner equal parenting rights.

As of May 2007, 24 states and the District of Columbia granted second-parent adoptions at least in the lower courts, or by statute. These states are: Alabama, Alaska, California, Connecticut, Colorado, Delaware, Illinois, Indiana, Iowa, Maryland, Massachusetts, Michigan, Minnesota, Nevada, New Jersey, New Mexico, New York, Ohio, Oregon, Pennsylvania, Rhode Island, Texas, Vermont and Washington.

"There's hardly a day that goes by now where someone in the United States isn't being granted second-parent adoption rights," Kendell says.

If second-parent adoption isn't permitted by the state, there are other options: naming your partner as the guardian of your child in your will and writing a co-parenting agreement.

"I always suggest that you get the advice of an attorney when putting together a co-parenting agreement," she says. "But if you can't afford it, the couple should write their own that spells out their expectations and what will happen if the couple breaks up."

"Older" Couples and Singles

Although there is no law that outright prohibits people older than 40 from adopting infants, they often hit roadblocks. Courts also consider a prospective parent's age in determining whether the adoption would be in the child's best interests, and whether the adoption should be granted.

"It all depends on the child they want to adopt," says Johnson. "A single man or woman who is 40 or older may have to wait a long time to adopt an infant. At the same, many younger couples have to wait a long time, too."

But Johnson agrees it's much easier for older people to adopt an older child. Currently, it can take up to seven years to adopt a healthy infant in the United States, says the National Adoption Information Clearinghouse. It usually takes less than three years to adopt an infant from another country.

As a result, many people over 40 are taking the international route. The number of international adoptions has continued to increase, according to the U.S. Immigration and Naturalization Service. In 1989, there were 8,102 international adoptions. Almost half of the children came from South Korea, followed by Colombia and India.

Ten years later, 16,396 children were adopted internationally; most were from Russia, followed by China and South Korea. In 2005, close to 23,000 children were adopted internationally, with most coming from China (mainland-8,000 children), Russia, and Guatemala.

Every country has different age requirements, and the requirements can change quickly. Some countries such as Russia and Ukraine allow people age 50, perhaps older, to adopt infants. China generally places infants with people 45 and younger; people over 45 can adopt a child aged 18-36 months or older.

In some countries, an "appropriate" age depends on the adopter's sex. It's much easier for older men with younger wives to adopt than vice versa. In Colombia, women who want to adopt infants can't be over 38, but fathers can. And single women can only adopt children over 6 or those with special needs. In Ecuador and Belize, an unmarried person can only adopt a child of the same sex. Some countries base age determinations on a couple's combined age, and this criteria is found in many domestic adoption programs as well.

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Related Resources

- State Adoption Statutes from the Child Welfare Information Gateway
- National Adoption Center
- ACLU - Parenting
- US State Department - Adoption