Easing Adoption Anxieties

The legal process of adopting a child is a lot easier to cope with than the frustrating roller coaster of emotions that comes with the experience. There are different types of adoptions, so consider what works for you.

The Basics

Will you adopt locally, from another state, or from another country?

Foreign adoptions often have long waiting lists, there are sometimes age restrictions, and they usually involve traveling to the child's birth country. On the other hand, children of foreign adoptions have already been determined "adoptable and available," which might not be the case with local adoptions.

If you're adopting a child born in another state, you must follow that state's requirements.

Next you need to decide whether to go through an adoption agency or a private party, such as the birth parent. Usually, an agency has already obtained an order relinquishing or terminating the rights of the birth parents, which saves worrying over whether the birth parents will change their minds.

On the other hand, being patient and going through a private adoption process may bring you a child who wouldn't be available through an agency. Several states don't permit private placements, so check that before investing time, energy, and money.

Private adoptions can be "open" or "closed." Open adoptions mean the birth parent keeps in touch with the child, through letters and photos or visits. A birth parent going through a private adoption is sometimes looking specifically for adoptive parents who'll support an open arrangement.

Consider what age child you would like to adopt. There are many older, special-needs children waiting for loving homes right now, without any wait. Are you willing to adopt a child who's been removed from his birth parents' home because of abuse or neglect? Are you willing to adopt a child with disabilities?

If you're a stepparent adopting a stepchild, you face different considerations. If the child is a minor, can you get the consent of the other biological parent? If you're adopting a teenager, will the stepchild consent to the adoption? Will adopting your stepchild mean the end of child support from the parent whose rights are being terminated?

Aside from attorney fees, the costs of adoption vary greatly.

For an infant, you'll probably end up paying the medical bills of the birth mother, support for her immediately before and after birth, and sometimes even educational expenses for her. With foreign adoptions, you'll likely pay for the process in both the child's country and your local court, plus the cost of immigration for your child.

Getting Help

Advertising adoption services is restricted in some states. Check with your state bar association to find out if there's certification or licensing in adoption, and if so, whether they can provide you with a list of certified attorneys near you.

Look for local organizations of parents who've already been through the process. They can be fountains of information and know which attorneys do a great job.

In some cities, there are attorneys who've represented many birth mothers in private adoptions, and may know of birth mothers looking for adoptive parents for their children. These "facilitator" attorneys can sometimes be located through local bar associations or a local attorney who knows of one.

When interviewing an attorney, ask to talk with previous clients, assuming privacy concerns permit.

Ask how fees are billed. You can expect to sign a fee agreement when you hire an attorney.

If you're working with a private placement, find out whom the attorney is representing, as it's often the birth parent. If so, you may want to hire your own attorney to make sure you're not taken advantage of when it comes to medical bills, support of the birth mother, and other costs.

What's Next?

The legal processing of an adoption can seem agonizingly slow when you're waiting for that special person to arrive. While procedures vary by state and country, here's a guideline for U.S. adoptions:

• Just before or after filing a Petition for Adoption, you'll go through a preplacement home study. A social worker or court worker will come to your home to ask questions about your family history, health, and family resources. Although this can be anxiety provoking, remember that you're not expected to be perfect. The evaluator's job is just to make sure that your home is suitable for a child and that you can care for a child. If you've furnished a nursery, bought some clothes for the new arrival, or made other preparations, make sure to show the evaluator. And be honest with your answers.
• You need to obtain the consent of the birth parents, or go through another process to terminate their parental rights if they're unwilling to consent. Usually a court will terminate a nonconsenting parent's rights only where there has been very inappropriate conduct towards the child by the parent or if it can be proven that the parent abandoned the child. If a birth parent is a minor, the court appoints an advocate or guardian to protect their rights and ensure they're not being coerced into relinquishing their child. If a birth mother is married, her husband may be the presumed father (whether or not he's the actual biological father), and you need to obtain his consent as well as the consent of the biological father.
• If the child has Native American roots, you may need to go through a special procedure under the Indian Child Welfare Act to determine whether there's anyone within the child's own tribe who wants to adopt the child.
• In the case of an infant, you can go to court for a relinquishment hearing shortly after a child's birth (usually at least two days later). Then you can take the child home and begin a new life together.
• Later on, a social worker or court worker will do a post-placement study to make sure that the child is being adequately cared for and everyone's adjusting.
• Sometime later, the relinquishment order can be converted into a final decree of adoption. After that, the decree can be set aside only if the birth parent can prove that their consent was obtained under fraud or duress, or that there was some glitch in the process that invalidates the entire proceeding. This is very rare. The more time passes, the less likely a court will overturn an adoption decree.

When the decree of adoption is entered, the court will make arrangements to have the child's birth certificate changed to name you as the child's parent, just as if you were the birth parent.

From then on, your adoptive child enjoys all the legal privileges of any child born to you, including any rights of inheritance.

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Sherrie Bennett is the former director of Student Legal Services at the University of Washington in Seattle, and the proud parent of an adopted child.