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Help Me See My Son
Lee Borden

Q. 

How do I get a court to help me see my son?

I am active duty military and have been trying for 4 years to work out something with the mother however SHE cannot get past the fact that we are no longer as a couple and her revenge is withholding my son from me. I do not have much money and all attorneys want thousands of dollars to even talk to me! I cannot afford that and still pay the child support that I am ordered and send things for his upkeep. I call weekly and visit as often as my military schedule permits however each time I go there (after saving for months) she tells me "Sorry, you cannot see him." I am at a loss. All the research I have done is geared toward DIVORCED DADS, however we were never married. I am married now with 4 kids. I have NEVER abandoned my son. I do everything I can think of to appease that woman to no avail. Please guide me in the right direction and to someone who actually wants to help me! I am currently in Iraq fighting for this country however I cannot even get anyone in this country to help me with my basic rights as a father to be a dad to my son. Please help. This case is based in South Carolina.

-- Marrion

A. 

Let's get methodical. First, do you have an order from a judge giving you the right to visitation? If not, no court can help you until that order is in place. Talk to your JAG officer about getting help to get visitation set up.

If you have an order set up and Mom is defying it, write your exspouse a letter. In that letter you need to do the following to enforce the court's decree:

  • Use correct spelling and grammar. A judge may be reading this later.
  • State in simple, matter-of-fact language what the decree requires, referencing section or paragraph numbers where appropriate.
  • State in simple, matter-of-fact language what you can observe about your exspouse's lack of compliance. That is, if all you know about the payment on the car is from the online site you consulted, don't say "You haven't paid the car payment in three months, probably because of that bimbo you're boinking." Instead, say simply, "the record I checked on August 17 at [the web site] indicates no payments for June, July, or August."
  • If your exspouse's lack of compliance is damaging you, describe the specifics.
  • Give your exspouse a reasonable time to comply, a date that really is attainable.
  • Avoid any assumptions about your exspouse's motives. Leave that to the court.

Send the letter by certified mail. Then, if the reasonable time expires and your exspouse hasn't complied, you're relatively well positioned to ask the court to grant you the relief you need (to the extent your exspouse can comply, and you're also well positioned to ask the court to find your exspouse in contempt of court and to order your exspouse to pay you the attorney's fee you have incurred to enforce the decree.

What you want to do is to be patient and systematic, slowly tightening the screws where Mom has to choose between allowing you time with your son or patently defying a specific court order. Faced with that stark choice, most of us choose to comply.



-- Lee Borden

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