The short answer to your question is that you should probably stay silent or, at most, send your ex-spouse some sort of low-key notice that her prior QDRO was rejected by your plan administrator. Even after a failed attempt, your ex-spouse should still be able to get a proper Qualified Domestic Relations Order ("QDRO") entered by the court and submitted to and approved by your pension plan administrator. The real question is whether your ex-spouse (a/k/a "Alternate Payee" or "AP") can recover her portion of any benefits distributed to you before that happens.
Generally and on a national level, if you as the employee/payee spouse retires, becomes disabled, remarries, dies, quits or is fired, withdraws funds from the plan before retirement, or takes out a loan from the plan before your ex-spouse perfects her QDRO or other similar specialized order with the plan administrator, that ex-spouse runs some risk of not recovering all of her award. However, do not take this precautionary statement as a license to run amok and plunder your retirement plan.
You should review your final divorce order and any written property settlement agreement to determine if you have any specified affirmative duty to notify your ex-spouse if and when you apply for distribution of any benefits under your retirement plan. If you do not have such a duty, you may be best served by remaining silent when you do so. Further, do not attempt to mislead or otherwise disable or impede your ex-spouse from making an inquiry regarding the status or nature of any benefits distribution.
If your ex-spouse continues to be dilatory in enforcing her rights to her interest in your retirement benefits, you could possibly benefit subsequently by asserting a doctrine of laches defense to a late application for retroactive benefits to payments already distributed to you.
The main concern that I have based upon the fact pattern that you present is that you state that she is unaware of the previously improperly filed paperwork by her attorney, which is why I mentioned giving her some sort of low key but provable documentation that the prior QDRO was rejected by the plan administrator; you might want to confirm that the plan administrator didn't give your ex-spouse notice directly (i.e., not through her attorney) of the rejection first. Whether your ex-spouse has a copy of your retirement plan's Summary Plan Description ("SPD") could also be a factor.
I have responded to your inquiry according to the laws of West Virginia, where I practice. Family law can vary greatly from state to state, so you should consult an experienced family law attorney in the jurisdiction where your divorce order was entered for advice regarding your particular situation.
Marci R. Carroll, Esq.
Law Offices of Marci R. Carroll
Fairmont, West Virginia
Serving Family Law Clients Throughout West Virginia
http://www.mrcfamilylaw.com
-- Marci R. Carroll
