Sacramento, CA -- It was a
tragic day for Seal Beach, CA last October 12. The
town which is located 375 miles off Sacramento, CA was rocked by a gruesome
crime that shall go down as one of the most heinous crime that occurred in
Orange County. Scott Dekraai, a mentally
unstable man, walked in on a hair salon where his ex-wife worked and started
shooting; killing his ex-spouse and 7 others. The reason for all this rage: a
bitter custody battle.
Dekaraai and his estranged spouse Michelle Fournier
married in 2003 and divorced 2006. The reason
why Fournier wanted dissolution
of marriage was because Dekaraai was mentally unstable and she feared him.
Instead of having an amicable separation, it ended up becoming a battle royale
since they were unable to settle the issue of child custody.
The unfortunate victim is their 8 year old son, who at the
time of the shooting was in school waiting at the principal’s office, waiting
for either of his parents to pick him up. Based upon those people who knew this
family, the parents weren’t really doing their responsibilities correctly in
raising the kid.
Children have always been the casualties of a separation,
divorce or annulment. They are the ones who suffer most: torn between parents,
displaced, treated as
property that needs to be divided and no one cares about their opinion. Parents
usually let their emotions control them first before they realize that they
have to prioritize the best interests of their kids. Take for example,Kelsey
and Camille Grammer. Their messy divorce battle had been scrutinized and played
out in the media. Kelsey wants to divide custody of the kids, while Camille is
using the kids to get more money and get back at her ex-spouse.
These are some of the most common scenarios when parents
cannot agree on what is best for their children. In the end it is the children who lose.
back to Dekaraai’s and Fournier’s son, he will grow up without a mother, having
to face the fact that his dad killed his mom and several others, he will be
raised by either relatives or other people (who will always be there to remind
him of the past if he makes whenever he commits a mistake), be put up for adoption and also without a
father since Dekaraai will be incarcerated and executed. What will this boy
grow up to be? He might end up being just another statistic or worse like his
father. Dekaraai himself was a product of a broken home, raised by his
grandparents. Regardless of good intentions or relations, relatives and
stepparents are still strangers; they are not the actual parents. Something
will always be different.
Parents should always keep an open mind to keep their
children away from their quarrels and try all they can to compromise when it
comes to the children. Do not make it a point to stop or forbid visitations
because you have been stiffed of a couple of child support payments (the court
and child support services can go after that); don’t also try to
child because the mother wouldn’t let you see the child. Do your best to agree
on a parenting plan. Don’t let the child end up in a foster home. A lot of kids
who have been to foster homes end up being abused or unaccepted and most run
away and get into a life of crime or prostitution. Don’t let your kids be
another statistic. Don’t conceive a child if you can’t handle the
responsibilities and take parenting classes for those who already have kids.
As with the case of the Seal Beach shooting, both should
have sought counseling and sat down to work things out (like supervised visits)
before the situation ended up with blood and gore. We can take as an example Sacramento, CAformer couple Arnold Schwarzenegger and Maria Shriver, despite
Arnold’s severe transgressions, the two are able to amicably settle their
differences and are making an effort to raise their kids without the bickering
and backstabbing drama or using them as pawns against each other. Children do need the care
and nurturing of
their real parents just saying …
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