Divorce Mediation FAQ

  • What exactly is mediation?

  • What does a mediator do?

  • How long does mediation last?

  • Isn't mediation the same thing as arbitration?

  • How much does mediation cost?

  • Do I need a lawyer for mediation?

  • How do we find a mediator?

    Q: What exactly is mediation?

    A:

    Mediation is an informal process where you and your soon-to-be ex-spouse meet with a neutral third party, called a "mediator," and you try to negotiate an agreement on your divorce, that is, an agreement on things like property distribution, child support and custody, and alimony.

    Some mediators prefer to meet with both of you at the same time, while others prefer to meet with each of you separately and act as a "go between." You and your soon-to-be ex-spouse should discuss your preferences as to how you want the mediation to be run and make sure that the mediator you select will accommodate your preferences.

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    Q: What does a mediator do?

    A: The mediator's job is to help you and your spouse communicate with each other and reach an agreement. The mediator must remain neutral, so he or she is not allowed to give you legal advice or favor one spouse's preferences or desires over the other spouse's. Usually, a mediator will let you and your spouse discuss an issue and make suggestions on how a compromise might or might not work.

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    Q: How long does mediation last?

    A: That depends on the type of mediation. The type of mediation we're primarily concerned about here is voluntary or private mediation, that is, you and your soon-to-be ex-spouse mutually agree to mediate the terms of your divorce. Voluntary mediation lasts as long as you and your spouse want it to last; you're under no legal obligation to continue with private mediation if, for example, you feel that your spouse is not negotiating fairly.

    Mediation can, however, be ordered by the court during a divorce. For example, in a contested divorce (where one party files a lawsuit for divorce), a court might order the couple to mediate a child custody agreement. Generally, court-ordered mediation continues until an agreement is reached.

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    Q: Isn't mediation the same thing as arbitration?

    A: No, although the two are similar, in that they both involve the use of a neutral third party (an "arbitrator" in the case of arbitration, and a "mediator" in mediation) to settle a dispute. However, in arbitration, the arbitrator can make a binding, legal decision. He or she listens to each side and makes a ruling. A mediator, on the other hand, doesn't make any decisions. He or she simply helps the spouses reach an agreement, and if an agreement can't be made, the mediation ends.

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    Q: How much does mediation cost?

    A: That depends upon the mediator. Most private mediators charge an hourly fee, which can range anywhere from $100 to $300 per hour, and the overall cost, of course, depends on how long it takes you to reach an agreement. In addition, many mediators will charge some type of initial or "set-up" fee for meeting with you and hammering out what issues that you and your spouse intend to mediate. In any event, in most instances, mediating a divorce will cost far less than a full-blown divorce trial.

    Usually, there are no fees or charges for court-ordered mediation.

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    Q: Do I need a lawyer for mediation?

    A: No, but you probably should have one, at least for some parts of it. Your attorney can make sure that your legal rights are being protected while you negotiate with your soon-to-be ex-spouse, and when a final mediation-divorce agreement is finally written by the mediator, you should have your attorney look at it to make sure that all matters of the divorce are taken care of by the agreement and that the agreement treats you fairly.

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    Q: How do we find a mediator?

    A: Recommendations from friends or family members who have been through mediation are a good source for finding a mediator. If a lawyer is asked to recommend a mediator, another lawyer will typically be suggested. Experienced divorce lawyers will tend to recommend other experienced divorce lawyers. If you know a marriage counselor, you may want to ask them for a recommendation. Another good place to look is the Academy of Family Mediators.

    Finally, a little do-it-yourself research can help you find a good mediator: check the telephone book, run some searches on the Internet, go to the library and look for resources that can point you to a mediator, or check with a family law court in your area and ask for a referral.

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    Related Resources on Lawyers.comsm
    - Mediating Your Divorce
    - Divorce articles and information
    - Visit our General Divorce message board for more help
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