Divorce and Dating Text Size:

If you're going through a divorce and trying to move on with your life, you might be thinking about dating. You might feel that your life is complicated and stressful, and the friendship, support and change found in a new relationship can be important to you. It's possible that romance isn't the most important factor in your new relationship, either. If your divorce isn't yet final, you should carefully think about how you manage dating, and how your new relationship could affect your divorce proceedings.

When thinking about dating and divorce, remember that you remain married until your divorce is final, so actions you take until that time could affect how your divorce proceeds. Some general considerations apply, no matter what the law in your state is. Your divorce lawyer can give you important guidance, based on your situation, state law and how these issues are treated in your area. Sometimes it's important to know how the judge in your case treats certain situations.

Remember that divorce is a stressful and emotional situation for all involved. Sometimes people don't like to see their spouses moving on with their lives and dating, and they react at the least by being less cooperative in the divorce proceedings. This can lead to added conflict, time, and costs, even if you and your spouse agree that finalizing your divorce is best for both of you. Keeping a low profile if you date before your divorce is final can be the best thing to do from a practical standpoint.

Divorce Issues and Your New Relationship

Two important issues that could be affected by dating before your divorce is final are spousal support and property settlement, and child custody and visitation. Once again, your divorce lawyer can best guide you on the issue of whether dating could have any effect in your case.

Is Dating Adultery?

In almost all states, the law allows you to seek a divorce based on grounds, meaning one spouse's actions are the reason for the divorce, or a no-fault divorce. Examples of grounds are adultery, desertion or cruelty. States passed no-fault laws, recognizing that marriages break down without fault of one spouse or the other, and it's very common to seek a no-fault divorce. In many states, dating before your divorce is final could fall within the legal definition of adultery. If you're dating while still married, it's possible that your spouse could raise the issue of adultery.

Spousal Support and Property Settlements

Depending on state law and the facts of your case, a new relationship could affect decisions in your divorce on spousal support and the division of property. In some states, a person's conduct, such as committing adultery, can impact these issues. In other states, such conduct doesn't matter. In any event, there are some ways in which a new relationship could affect spousal support or property division. If you're living with your new partner, your spouse might argue that your expenses and needs are less, and the situation should be a factor in determining support and property division. This can be important, because once your divorce is final, modifying a support order can be difficult.

Child Custody and Visitation Issues

Divorce brings changes for your children, and coping with those changes, which can include their parents' new relationships, can be especially hard for them. Parents will want to focus on providing stability and support for their children at this time. Many people choose slow introductions and integration when bringing their children and a new dating interest together. Your new relationship could be a factor if child custody and visitation issues aren't yet settled in your divorce. A child's best interests is the typical standard used in determining these issues, and is aimed at securing your child's well-being.

A court could consider what level of involvement your child has with the person you're dating, whether he poses any danger to your child, and if factors like living together are against your child's best interests. As for child support, if you're living with someone, your spouse could try to show that housing-related expenses are shared and there's less need for support. Here, too, it can be important to respect everyone's emotions, and it can help to keep a low profile. Remember, courts have discretion in deciding these issues, and your attorney can help assess your situation.

Questions for Your Attorney

• My spouse filed for no-fault divorce, and we're separated. If I start dating someone, can he amend the complaint in our case and seek a divorce based on grounds of adultery?
• My divorce is pending, I've been dating someone regularly, and I haven't introduced her to my children. Do I have to provide information on my new relationship as custody and visitation issues are decided in my case?
• My divorce isn't final, with spousal support and property division issues to be decided. I socialize, not even at a level I'd call "dating," and my spouse doesn't like it that I'm moving on with my life. He's now making the divorce more difficult than need be. Is there anything I can do?

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