The song is true, breaking up is hard to do. However, even though it may not seem like it at the time, the end of a casual relationship often leads to the beginning of a new relationship - moving on usually isn't that difficult. For a married couple facing divorce, things are usually a little more emotionally charged. You may need some extra emotional support, and that's perfectly normal. Just be careful.

You'll have a lot of contact with your divorce lawyer, and your lawyer will likely be a source of confidence, assurance and strength as your case unfolds. However, always keep in mind that the attorney-client relationship is professional, not personal. Seeking or engaging in a romantic relationship with your divorce lawyer isn't appropriate.

Lawyers are bound by professional and ethical rules and shouldn't have personal relationships with their clients, especially romances. Both lawyer and client should know and respect these boundaries.

Can't I Just Switch Lawyers?

If a lawyer can't have a romance with a client, can't the client just get another lawyer? While you can always choose to hire another lawyer to handle your case, it may not be a realistic option. As a practical matter, you may not have that choice.

Hiring a lawyer is an investment for both lawyer and client. You've put effort into finding the right lawyer, paid a retainer, and your bill may grow quickly. It takes time, effort and fees to get your case going, and hiring a new lawyer means going back to square one in many ways. You don't want setbacks in your case. One of the most common questions anyone has in a divorce is, "How long will this take?"

Know Your Limits and Vulnerabilities

Your lawyer should know and enforce the professional boundaries of your lawyer-client relationship. Do, however, recognize the range of emotions you might be feeling as your case progresses. Know which lines not to cross if your lawyer isn't minding those boundaries.

A lawyer may not fully realize the power balance with a client. If this balance isn't respected, the more likely an abuse of power can occur. There are several reasons for this imbalance, including:

• A divorcing client is often emotionally vulnerable
• There is often a difference in education level between attorney and client
• The client relies on the lawyer for guidance and knowledge of the legal and court system
• The client is often facing a financial crisis, including loss of income
• The lawyer is the client's go-to source when there's a conflict with his or her spouse

Always remember that it's a business, and not a personal relationship.

My Feelings Aren't Genuine?

Recognize that what may seem to be romantic feelings are not the real deal. A sexual relationship with your divorce lawyer isn't based on true feelings. Rather, it's sexual abuse and prohibited. Lawyers are routinely disciplined for such relationships with clients, and a lawyer may be putting their license at risk with a client romance.

One element that is often missing in a lawyer-client romantic relationship is consent. Saying yes or no means having the right and the power to do so. The very nature of the attorney-client relationship often makes meaningful consent impossible.

Consequences for Lawyer and Client

A romantic relationship presents possible harm to both lawyer and client. The distraction from a relationship may blur your judgment and affect the decisions you make about your case.

Your lawyer may face disciplinary action, and the threat to the lawyer's livelihood should be a wake-up call.

While your divorce is a highly personal and emotional matter, it's still a lawsuit, and you've hired your lawyer to represent you in that legal case. Your goal is to finalize your divorce, and then move ahead with your post-divorce personal life. Don't lose sight of those goals by getting involved romantically with your attorney. 

Questions for Your Attorney

• Can my spouse use a lawyer who is a close relative for our divorce? I think it's complicating the case. Does he have to get another lawyer?
• If I think my divorce lawyer made inappropriate advances towards me, what should I do?
• Does the bar association in my area have resources for clients to ask legal ethics questions about their lawyer's conduct?

Related Resources on Lawyers.com^sm

- Find a Divorce Lawyer in your area and read Selecting a Family Law Lawyer
- Need a form? Access a variety of do-it-yourself business and personal legal forms that meet your needs
- Read How To Divorce Like an Adult and Do I Need a Reason to Get Divorced?, or access more Divorce articles and information
- Visit the Legal Forums for discussions on Divorce topics
- Follow us on Twitter and Like us on Facebook to join the conversation about Lawyers.com topics online
- Download the Lawyers.com app for the iPhone or access the site on your smartphone
- Legal Dictionary

Related Web Links

- Family Issues Information & Resources from USA.gov